Lights on

I woke up at 5am to the sound of rain against my window, and as I write these words to you I’m surrounded by darkness… feeling right at home in it.

I used to need ALL the lights to be on – at.all.times.

I was afraid of the dark for good reason; it used to be unsafe for me to be there.

And now here I am… doing this work, hanging out in the shadowy, milky depths… feeling lighter than ever. This isn’t a humble brag. It’s a testament to trauma-informed therapy and security and privilege and telling the whole truth finally and for the first time.

Someone recently asked me how I personally define ‘success.’ For me, it’s allegiance to authenticity. Success is existing and expressing in my full integrity. It’s the satisfaction that I feel when my insides and my outsides match, when I find ways to show up in the world with the whole of me intact. As someone who felt fragmented so much of her life, this alone is a big fucking win. And IF by chance I am able to do this whole showing-up-authentically thing AND it simultaneously has a positive impact on others, well… that’s the stuff right there. I suppose I’d call that ‘true success.’

But it’s gotta go… integrity-before-impact… if I flip the script, it usually doesn’t work out so well. Trying to be the person who looks, does, and says ‘right’ usually turns out all-wrong in the end.

I say all of this as a lead-in to today’s episode. It’s a conversation that’s gritty and raw and real and TRUE. Trina has learned all about authenticity the hard way. And now, she’s able to go where few are willing… right into the depths of her integrity. She shares her story… the whole of it… so bravely, that it’s my great honor to share it with you. This conversation will be authenticating to anyone who has survived the unimaginable and grappled with darker truths.

[With that in mind, Ep.42 has a trigger warning attached to it. Because sometimes we need to keep the lights on, and that’s a-okay.]

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